GOLDEN COUCH AWARDS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Unfortunately, I am unable to be here tonight to accept this award, so please accept this letter on my behalf.
Today is an exceptional day for me. Not only because I’ve won, but also because it marks an anniversary.
My journey began 31 years ago. I started as a server and worked my way up to restaurant GM. Then I switched to the kitchen, and after years of hard work and dedication, I became an executive chef.
To be very honest with you, all those years, I was under the impression that being a god at my job, understanding every aspect of this industry, and knowing every fucking dark corner in a restaurant would be somehow enough to prevent me from ever being nominated in this category. And yet… here we are; I am the proud recipient of the Outstanding Achievement in Unemployment Award.
Throughout my career, I’ve received all sorts of congratulations, such as promotions, awards, magazine features, and reviews praising my management, my menus, or my work as a chef. But today, I finally receive the ultimate recognition for all those years of effort and dedication. I won’t lie. This is the crowning achievement of my career. But I did not do it alone. It was a team effort. So, as tradition demands, I’d like to thank the people who helped me reach this incredible milestone.
First, I’d like to thank everyone in recruitment. Those wonderful people who took the time to send me all those thoughtful letters of encouragement. I want them to know that I will cherish every rejection email for the rest of my life.
I’d also like to thank everyone who never replied. Your silence spoke volumes, so
I truly appreciate the tact you showed by sparing me yet another rejection email.
And of course, Miami’s finest… HR. To whom I won’t say much because I promised myself I would remain civilized tonight.
One thing, though, I thank you for teaching me that after thirty-one years in hospitality, I had finally become too senior, too expensive, too experienced, overqualified, and, most of all… irrelevant.
Because I know that behind every “We’ve decided to move in another direction,” I could only be grateful for your concern for my well-being.
After all, by not hiring me, you spared me the stress of another Saturday night service.
I’d also like to thank every restaurant owner who did not hire me as a sous chef, line cook, or even dishwasher. I know it wasn’t easy for you to protect me from compromising my integrity by accepting a job I was supposedly overqualified to do. You chose decency over indulging in another one of my stupid career choices, and I'll always be grateful for that sacrifice. Clearly, someone had to stand up.
Finally, to my fellow nominees—all those chefs, GMs, and every other piece of deadweight over fifty—don’t worry, this year was my turn to shine, but don’t lose hope. If the members of this fucking academy haven’t reached out to you yet, be patient. They still have hundreds of résumés for AI to screen, but rest assured… Your turn will come. You can trust them. They never disappoint.
I want to remind everybody tonight and pass this very important message to all the people who work in this industry. Remember those words:
Work hard.
Master your craft.
Give everything you’ve got.
One day, you’ll be rewarded.
And trust the process of this beautiful city, which means so much to me.
Again, I would like to thank the academy one last time for accepting this speech and apologize one more time for not being able to be there with you to share the special moment for a very simple reason; I could not afford the Uber ride to attend the event.
But I am relieved there are no entrance fees because I could have afforded them either. Otherwise, I would have had to send this email to each and every one of you individually. That would have been quite the clusterfuck.
Now I am going to have to keep it short because some of you still have a job, but I wanted to share the emotion of being honored today.
In a few years, I may have the privilege of calling some of you my peers. And when that day comes, you’ll understand this overwhelming feeling that makes me choke a bit on my words.
Like I have choked on my pride.
I will leave now and go back to sit on my couch and still enjoy the internet as long as I can pay for it. And refresh my email inbox just in case I receive another letter from one of you. I am sure I have plenty of rejections to read.
In the meantime, I will put this award where it needs to be.
Next to my resume.
In the fucking trash.
I’d like to thank you all once again for your unwavering support throughout this unforgettable journey. Without your dedication to refuse to give an interview, none of this would have been possible.
P.S.
I’ve learned I’m still officially on the ballot for “Loser of the Year."
I’d appreciate your vote.
The polls close in six months.
Imagine that… my own star on the Walk of Shame.
I am thinking about my mom right now.
She can’t stand me; she’s going to be so proud.
After thirty-one years in this industry, that would finally make my career complete.
6/15/26
NEWSLETTER
YOUR SEAT AT THE TABLE STARTS HERE
NO SPAM.
NO SPIN.
THE GOOD STUFF ONLY
Sharp stories, honest conversations, and the occasional badly behaved opinion. Delivered when there’s something worth saying.
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© 2026 FOODNBULLSHIT All rights reserved.
Contact:
alexandrefenot@gmail.com
Unfortunately, I am unable to be here tonight to accept this award, so please accept this letter on my behalf.
Today is an exceptional day for me. Not only because I’ve won, but also because it marks an anniversary.
My journey began 31 years ago. I started as a server and worked my way up to restaurant GM. Then I switched to the kitchen, and after years of hard work and dedication, I became an executive chef.
To be very honest with you, all those years, I was under the impression that being a god at my job, understanding every aspect of this industry, and knowing every fucking dark corner in a restaurant would be somehow enough to prevent me from ever being nominated in this category. And yet… here we are; I am the proud recipient of the Outstanding Achievement in Unemployment Award.
Throughout my career, I’ve received all sorts of congratulations, such as promotions, awards, magazine features, and reviews praising my management, my menus, or my work as a chef. But today, I finally receive the ultimate recognition for all those years of effort and dedication. I won’t lie. This is the crowning achievement of my career. But I did not do it alone. It was a team effort. So, as tradition demands, I’d like to thank the people who helped me reach this incredible milestone.
First, I’d like to thank everyone in recruitment. Those wonderful people who took the time to send me all those thoughtful letters of encouragement. I want them to know that I will cherish every rejection email for the rest of my life.
I’d also like to thank everyone who never replied. Your silence spoke volumes, so
I truly appreciate the tact you showed by sparing me yet another rejection email.
And of course, Miami’s finest… HR. To whom I won’t say much because I promised myself I would remain civilized tonight.
One thing, though, I thank you for teaching me that after thirty-one years in hospitality, I had finally become too senior, too expensive, too experienced, overqualified, and, most of all… irrelevant.
Because I know that behind every “We’ve decided to move in another direction,” I could only be grateful for your concern for my well-being.
After all, by not hiring me, you spared me the stress of another Saturday night service.
I’d also like to thank every restaurant owner who did not hire me as a sous chef, line cook, or even dishwasher. I know it wasn’t easy for you to protect me from compromising my integrity by accepting a job I was supposedly overqualified to do. You chose decency over indulging in another one of my stupid career choices, and I'll always be grateful for that sacrifice. Clearly, someone had to stand up.
Finally, to my fellow nominees—all those chefs, GMs, and every other piece of deadweight over fifty—don’t worry, this year was my turn to shine, but don’t lose hope. If the members of this fucking academy haven’t reached out to you yet, be patient. They still have hundreds of résumés for AI to screen, but rest assured… Your turn will come. You can trust them. They never disappoint.
I want to remind everybody tonight and pass this very important message to all the people who work in this industry. Remember those words:
Work hard.
Master your craft.
Give everything you’ve got.
One day, you’ll be rewarded.
And trust the process of this beautiful city, which means so much to me.
Again, I would like to thank the academy one last time for accepting this speech and apologize one more time for not being able to be there with you to share the special moment for a very simple reason; I could not afford the Uber ride to attend the event.
But I am relieved there are no entrance fees because I could have afforded them either. Otherwise, I would have had to send this email to each and every one of you individually. That would have been quite the clusterfuck.
Now I am going to have to keep it short because some of you still have a job, but I wanted to share the emotion of being honored today.
In a few years, I may have the privilege of calling some of you my peers. And when that day comes, you’ll understand this overwhelming feeling that makes me choke a bit on my words.
Like I have choked on my pride.
I will leave now and go back to sit on my couch and still enjoy the internet as long as I can pay for it. And refresh my email inbox just in case I receive another letter from one of you. I am sure I have plenty of rejections to read.
In the meantime, I will put this award where it needs to be.
Next to my resume.
In the fucking trash.
I’d like to thank you all once again for your unwavering support throughout this unforgettable journey. Without your dedication to refuse to give an interview, none of this would have been possible.
P.S.
I’ve learned I’m still officially on the ballot for “Loser of the Year."
I’d appreciate your vote.
The polls close in six months.
Imagine that… my own star on the Walk of Shame.
I am thinking about my mom right now.
She can’t stand me; she’s going to be so proud.
After thirty-one years in this industry, that would finally make my career complete.
GOLDEN COUCH AWARDS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
7/14/26
NEWSLETTER
NO SPAM.
NO SPIN.
THE GOOD STUFF ONLY
Sharp stories, honest conversations, and the occasional badly behaved opinion. Delivered when there’s something worth saying.
BY SIGNING UP, YOU AGREE TO RECEIVE EMAILS FROM FOODNBULLSHIT. UNSUBSCRIBE ANYTIME.
© 2026 FOODNBULLSHIT All rights reserved.
Contact:
alexandrefenot@gmail.com